HUMOR  FROM  THE  FIRELINE  &  AFTER

You Know You're a Forestry Tech if...
 

You know you're a Forestry Technician if your boots cost more than your wife's wedding ring.
 

From "I know what I am":

• You pick up your food stamps the same day you get paid.
• You're called a heroic firefighter by Forest Service leadership during the summer, but when you try and get a firefighter series during the winter, leadership forgets what you did last summer and what you prepare and train for all winter (if not on assignment).
• You just bought a "new" vehicle, and it's a 1984 Honda Prelude (well it's new to you anyways).
• In spite of the things listed above, you take pride in a job well done, and knowing you make a difference in someone's life each time you step on the fireline whether it's saving someone's home, an acre of land or covering your buddy's back.

From "Yellow Angel":

• Your tax refund carries you over until fire season begins
• Your dog eats out of date MREs for the winter
• You've got an old project Pulaski in your garden

From Sting"

• You REALLY know you're a forestry tech when.... in your job as "battalion chief", a 2nd year firefighter comes to you for a recommendation for a job with a local agency and he will start out making a higher salary than you do... even though you have over 20 years in... you gladly give him the letter

From "Nor-cal Firegirl":

• You know you're a forestry tech when assembling a mile and a half of hose and running up a hill to catch a fire is a good day.
• You know you're a forestry tech if you have ever cursed at a rookie for using armor-all on everything in your engine/crew haul, including the seats and gas pedal. (This makes for a very slippery ride to a fire for those of you who haven't experienced this.)
• You're a forestry tech for sure if you take pride in how long it has been since you washed your yellows.

Things to remember when you return to civilization:

• You don't need to make your family lineup when it's chow time.
• Farting in the family car is gross, farting in the back of the buggy is funny (unless you're not the one doing it).
• Chocking the wheels of the family car in the driveway may upset your spouse, when they drive over it and think they have killed the family pet.
• When lighting the wood stove, paper and a match work fine, take the driptorch back to work before you burn the house down.

From "Nor-cal Firegirl":

• Don’t throw away your silverware after each meal
• Don’t throw away your plate or cups either
• Remember when using indoor toilets, don’t forget to flush
• Yellow and green are no longer in style
• You no longer need a demob slip just to go to town
• You don’t need a request or order number to get everything
• Drinks don’t come out of feed troughs or garbage cans
• You no longer need to worry about breaking your fork at dinner
• Paper is to write on, not to sleep in.
• Water comes from a faucet, not a cubie
• Lunch isn’t served in paper bags
• Breakfast is anytime you want, not 4 a.m.
• No generator will be available to “hum” you to sleep
• News in on T.V. not on a bulletin board
• Houses aren’t made out of plastic, nylon or cardboard
• You don’t have to shower with 18 other people… unless you want to

Things to try when fire season is done:

One day we will all be returning to a normal life, and it may not be easy. Here are some tips for a slow, sure withdrawal from fireline life:

• Make a tape recording of helicopters flying overhead so you can replay it for yourself when you go to bed.
• Turn on all the lights in your bedroom before trying to sleep.
• Put your stinky, dirty socks beneath your pillow.
• Sprinkle some dirt and pine needles on your sheets.
• Have the paper deliverer honk their horn for you at 4:00 a.m. A lot.
• During the day, turn on a stove burner on to warm and sit on it. Make a sandwich, sit on it, then go and drop it in the dirt in the flower bed. Go and stand beside a full smelly garbage can when you eat it.
• Twice a day, hit yourself in the shins with a hammer. (Pulaskis can really appreciate this one! ...Me!)
• If you carpool to work, ride in the trunk. Then, tell your carpool driver to forget to pick you up when it’s time to go home.
• In the evening, at home, start a fire in the fireplace, close the damper, shut off all the lights and read by flashlight.
• For breakfast, cook a nice omelet, pour a cup of coffee, refrigerate both for 15 minutes before putting them on the table. Then, lay your head in the plate and go to sleep.

From "Kicks":

• While seated at the table, pick up each piece of food and ponder its useful life span in your pack before cramming it into your pocket, or into your shirt for later.
• Getting your dinner served out through the window lends a nice touch.
• Give one of the kids a "clicker".
• If the smoke alarm goes off, it's okay to backfire the kitchen.
• Leave one of the kids on the roof of the garage as a lookout.
• Take the plastic kiddie pool and hinge it to the side of your house attached to a stiff spring. When it gets windy, it'll sound like the blue lagoon doors banging shut.
• If you leave the lawnmower running all night, it'll sound like a generator.
• Throw away the night lights and get some Cylume Sticks instead.
• Replace the carpeting with wood chips.
• Cordon off your lawn with some circus flagging.
• Make the kids line out to load their school bags into the trunk of the family wagon.
• Don't forget the cardboard in the window with your family name, and the E # on the windshield.
• Show the kids how fun it is to do their homework with a headlamp.
• For Christmas, get the kids the "same" style and color knapsacks (and hats) so they'll all look similar. Green pants are always in style.
• Keep muttering "water conservation" while your significant other washes the car.
• Then take the garden hose and "hydro mine" the flower bed.
• Steal the last roll of toilet paper from the bathroom... Go ahead, try it!

Lessons Learned in Wildland Die Hard

I find that many of the habits learned in wildland die hard –

• I never go anywhere without some type of wet wipe/hand wipe etc,
• tend to put nearly everything in Ziploc bags or little mini bags and pouches,
• carry water in Nalgene bottles to meetings where everyone is in dark suits, and
• have had to train myself not to pack knives in everything.
• I still have mini-flashlights everywhere,
• also collect dinner items for use later,
• carry extra food with me for the business day emergency, and
• kept my car "camping ready" until it sustained several break-ins.
• I am constantly challenged by organizing non-firefighters to "saddle up" and get stuff done as they don't speak the same language.
• I find it difficult to go on trips and not be fire-ready by having all my affairs in order "just in case", even though I know it's only a 2-day trip.
  
  Of course, I haven't actually been in a suppression role on a fire for several years. Silly. Practical training for life though, right? Or good training to be an eccentric? (Guess which answer is more likely?)

• Still make sure I have a generous supply of shroud line, space blanket, cribbage board and cards and an old tattered Louis L’amour book in my bag anywhere I go, although I haven’t used any of them in years.
• Still have a p38 on my key ring...haven’t used that in decades
• I have to stop myself from only packing 1 set of socks/undies for every 2-3 days I plan on being gone figuring I can get by with that and need to keep under the weight limit.
• Always hold one clean shirt and pants in reserve so I have something clean to wear home. ..I cant remember the last time I really got good and dirty.
• Still keep a 20 tucked away at all times in my toilet bag. ...I guess that is still not a bad idea.