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30
Sep
2003
  • 09/30/2003
  • WildlandFire.com Team
  • 301 views
  • 0 Comment

Hello all.

I forgot, AGAIN that there was a chat on Monday night. Arrgh… Ah well. I was just starting work, so did not have a break at that time anyhow. *sigh*

I thought I would give you an update on what has been going on in my life. My SO has been home for a while now. but of course has a busy life, so I get to see him one or two days out of the week. Unfortunately because of my messed up work schedule, we spend most of that time sleeping, but still it IS time together. It has been really interesting seeing how this first fire season has changed my outlook on life and relationships. It has changed my priorities a lot. I have learned PATIENCE, that’s for sure, but I also have learned what is important to me in a relationship. It is not the amount of time one gets with their loved ones, but what you do during that time. We spend HOURS just talking. Talking about anything and everything. Deep stuff to life growing up, family, friends, even the weather. It is this communication that keeps me/us going. I am getting to know him, in the brief times we get to spend together, better than when we were had 2 or 3 days straight. Time is precious, and we spend it doing more significant things. Instead of going out to a movie or dinner, we snuggle on the couch with a video and a bowl of popcorn. “Quality Time is a GOOD THING.” It does not seem so important to go run out to do this or that, when we can go visit family, just talk and get to know each other. I STILL am not able to plan ahead for anything, even by a few days. He works a lot, and it involves lots of travel. He never really knows when or where he will be 24 hrs in the future. *sigh*
What it comes down to is this. He cares deeply about me, and I him. We communicate a lot, and don’t fret about the small stuff
*******
When I think of us, I think of this: The need to love, to be loved, to be accepted for ourselves, not for what others want us to be, burns as bright as the wildfires he fights.
Am I willing to embrace that fire, with my heart and soul?
YES.
I would never ask him to change who he is, what he does. I don’t want to.
Live in the “Now” fully with all your being for “now” is where life is experienced.
The future is going to take care of itself, in it’s own way, in it’s own time.
Embrace each day with an open mind, a joyful heart.
Embrace life with all it’s joys, it’s sorrows, its pain and its rewards.
You will find that the days seems brighter, tasks seem easier, “quality time” seems longer and more fulfilling. Time apart does not seem so painful, as one is never really alone when one is loved.
******* I try to think of him when he is gone not with a wanton heart, but with a smile. A knowing smile in that I know I am loved and missed, and he will return as soon as he is able. I also have memorized the lines of his face, the “smile wrinkles” in the corners of his eyes when he smiles. Even the peaceful, contented look when he sleeps. When I am lonely, I just think of the last time he looked at me with love in his eyes, and hold on to that tightly. I also try to “send loving thoughts his way.” Does that make sense? It is like trying to get him to feel my love, wherever he is, whether he can comuncate with me or not,. It seems to work. It DOES work. I have talked to him days afterwards, asking him what he was doing at such and such a time, on such and such a day, and he said he was thinking of me. Hey, you never know. 

Hope this finds all of you well, and your loved ones close.

Poet

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