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  • 09/12/2003
  • WildlandFire.com Team
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Critters:

So back when I was still living at home, my mother, who is not as well versed in country life as she thinks she is, decided that the raccoons were digging up her lawn in search of grubs. So she got a Have-a-Heart trap, baited it with cat food, and waited. First, she got a couple of cats. Then, on about morning three, she got the most gorgeous bushy-tailed wiggly-nosed skunk you ever did see. The thing must have weighted twenty pounds…glossy, fat and really, really pissed off. The problem is getting the skunk transported elsewhere and then released from the trap…Have-a-Hearts great but you have turn them upside down to open them, and that’s tough to do with a really long stick.

So Mom goes down to the local Rent-a-Wreck and gets this pickup truck. The she walks up to the trap holding up a sheet of clear plastic in front of her, wraps the critter up in the plastic, and, feeling rather proud of herself, drives out on a back road and goes to get the thing released. In the process of releasing the skunk, however, the trap falls out of the plastic and the skunk scores a direct hit to Mom’s face, which temporarily blinds her. So here’s Mom, standing on this back road in the middle of nowhere, blind and pissed off. She starts crying, which fixes the problem pretty well.

Okay, crisis over, right? Nope. She goes to take the truck back to the Rent-a-Wreck place and the guy says “Hey, did you run over a skunk? Sure does smell like it.”

I think the final score of the Great Trapping Fiasco was four skunks (or one skunk four times, which was my theory), one raccoon, and six cats. Finally she got tired of the project, put the trap away, and wired the whole garden with electrical fencing. Which really made the neighbor’s dog mad…he went to lift his leg on an ornamental shrub, and well…

Nerd on the Fireline

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