I’m feeling a lot better than I did this morning and my guy and I have talked on the phone numerous times today. I am feeling less like it’s a big deal, and no, I don’t think it’s inexcusable. But on the other hand, I keep thinking about how it’s the one time that I really wanted him to call and come through. And yeah, we did have the “preamble” to the talk that I mentioned, but it was clear between both of us that we would talk again later. And he was looking forward to it, as was I. I just wish a promise could be kept. He pretty much only breaks his promises when drinking is involved, and that is what concerns me. This issue has come up before and it is a big problem. He is well aware. And there isn’t really anything I can do about it. I just hate not being able to trust him.
I will give him credit though. He tells me repeatedly that he’ll do whatever it takes to be with me and tells me his feelings for me plenty. I find that reassuring. I know that’s not all it takes for things to make it work, but it’s a start and does help. He does seem ready to make many concessions. He’s just not used to it. He’s never been in a long term relationship before…ever.
I don’t really feel like we can wait to talk for his visit, because that will be in October. And I used that tactic when I went to see him last and had some stuff to discuss and it didn’t go all that great. When you have such little time together, anything that upsets you is just that much more upsetting because it’s ruining the time you have.
I waited two weeks to have a night where we could talk uninterrupted and for as long as we’d like and w/ him sober (it IS his days off after all) to talk about all of our plans, and then didn’t get to. So it was really disappointment and frustration more than anything. I was really excited to tell him about my desire to dispatch and how much information I already knew about it (training & hiring I mean). But I think I have a very forgiving nature and can move on, without the resentment. But we do have some work to do…
Thanks for your advice, Nerd, and everyone else for having to listen to all this stuff (boy if Normal reads this stuff, I’m in trouble).
***bionicles, bionicles, bionicles…I guess I’m gonna have to look on the internet now huh Robbie?
Next post, TazGirl must have refreshed the page..
Yay…now I know what Bionicles are! What a weird name. They remind me of Transformers that were big when I was a kid.â€¨â€¨Man Fire Momma, your post really cracked me up. The window disposal of the Bionicle with sound effects was especially inspiring. And I really chuckled over the rolled up newspaper bit. It’s a lot funnier to picture old people doing that.â€¨â€¨You funny….me laugh.