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  • 08/05/2002
  • WildlandFire.com Team
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Tonya et al;

Once again, I’m looking at this one from both sides…remembering one point when I didn’t see my (now-ex) SO for a week, only to find him passed out in the middle of his living room floor with a bunch of crew buddies. They’d been drinking, wrestling, and watching videotapes of fire for the whole time, and I just beyond didn’t exist. I got the meet the crew buddies when they started moaning ‘cuz the open door had let in the light and they didn’t like it. I didn’t say anything; I just left and came back later. Was I feeling ignored and neglected? Oh yes. Pissed off? You bet. This happened multiple times. After a certain point, the crew buddies involved noticed that I wasn’t going ballistic, and they started telling my SO that I was the coolest chick in the world. Peer pressure works really well. Didn’t save the relationship, but certainly prolonged it.

Now, being a FF myself, I’m remembering a number of nights when I’ve blown off dates, friends, and visiting family because coming in after a call it seemed much more compelling to stick around playing HS hacky-sack (ten pushups if you touch the sack with your hands) with the guys, rehashing the incident, and telling old war stories. It’s a different world when you’re out on call; a sort of suspended reality. It’s not that the people outside don’t matter, it’s just that there’s a sort of crew inertia…it’s hard to break out of that mode.

My advice is to be patient; if you launch into psycho-attack-femme mode (which can be useful on occasion) you’re just going to make it less pleasant for him to come home. If he does that sort of thing consistently (and I’m not talking about going out with the guys and calling you in the morning, I’m talking about multi-day delays), it’s an indicator of serious trouble. Just an evening out is camaraderie.

Good luck.
Nerd on the Fireline

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