Tonya et al;
Once again, Iâ€™m looking at this one from both sides…remembering one point when I didnâ€™t see my (now-ex) SO for a week, only to find him passed out in the middle of his living room floor with a bunch of crew buddies. Theyâ€™d been drinking, wrestling, and watching videotapes of fire for the whole time, and I just beyond didnâ€™t exist. I got the meet the crew buddies when they started moaning â€˜cuz the open door had let in the light and they didnâ€™t like it. I didnâ€™t say anything; I just left and came back later. Was I feeling ignored and neglected? Oh yes. Pissed off? You bet. This happened multiple times. After a certain point, the crew buddies involved noticed that I wasnâ€™t going ballistic, and they started telling my SO that I was the coolest chick in the world. Peer pressure works really well. Didnâ€™t save the relationship, but certainly prolonged it.
Now, being a FF myself, Iâ€™m remembering a number of nights when Iâ€™ve blown off dates, friends, and visiting family because coming in after a call it seemed much more compelling to stick around playing HS hacky-sack (ten pushups if you touch the sack with your hands) with the guys, rehashing the incident, and telling old war stories. Itâ€™s a different world when youâ€™re out on call; a sort of suspended reality. Itâ€™s not that the people outside donâ€™t matter, itâ€™s just that thereâ€™s a sort of crew inertia…itâ€™s hard to break out of that mode.
My advice is to be patient; if you launch into psycho-attack-femme mode (which can be useful on occasion) youâ€™re just going to make it less pleasant for him to come home. If he does that sort of thing consistently (and Iâ€™m not talking about going out with the guys and calling you in the morning, Iâ€™m talking about multi-day delays), itâ€™s an indicator of serious trouble. Just an evening out is camaraderie.
Nerd on the Fireline