You might begin by telling him you’ve been trying to understand firefighter perspective in general and his perspective this time around. Then ask him to describe his experience (that led him not to call). But stay non-judgmental, really try to understand where he was coming from. Often guys are less in touch than girls are in the “whys” of things. Often guys are less practiced at communicating, but do excellently with experience. (None of us should be blamed for what we have not yet learned.)
Then ask him to try to put himself in your shoes. After all, you have been trying to put yourself in his and to understand his situation.
You should know, firefighters coming off an assignment often act a little brain damaged. Relationship situational awareness is often low even when you have a good assignment. If the assignment is a let down and you’re not ready to leave your crew yet, partying is not too surprising. Here’s a party scene from years ago. (Ab please help me out with these photos. Thanks.)
The key to good communication is to have the goal of arriving at understanding each other’s perspective: You try to understand his and he tries to understand yours. It helps if both people feel they have spoken and been heard. No one that I know sets out to be a Horse’s A**. Often it’s just a lack of understanding and experience with relationships that makes it seem that way. Understanding is key, then agreements can be made. Good luck.