Well, I guess I’ll borrow something from my teenage daughter’s book…
Okay, two observations, take them if they work. Leave them if they don’t.
I was sitting in the dojo last night waiting for my 8-year-old to finish up her lesson. Sometimes the Sensei decides to philosophize. None of us mind, because it’s usually pretty darn appropriate. Last night, Tazlina Girl, I actually sat there wishing you could be sitting there beside me. Now…AMM…you too. I’m not going to be able to explain it like he did, but…he emphasized the importance of not ignoring your personal growth when you begin building a relationship with someone else. The tendency to do this is overwhelming, considering the hormones and the emotional dynamics of a new romance. We all understand how that goes…we’ve all been there and been humbled by how immobilized we can get. However simple these things may sound, we need to do them… Eat well. An undernourished body gives us stark little ability to reason soundly, especially when tensions and stress run high. So, eat. Rest. Stay physically in shape. Take walks and breathe. Look at the beauty around you. Exercise your mind. Read (I think Nerd suggested taking a fire science class…what a great idea if you’re interested!). If you are in good shape, mentally, emotionally, and physically when your man (or woman) get home, imagine how much better that R&R time will be. If the relationship ends, you’re not left holding your own empty bag.
Now, Sensei’s lesson could have ended there, but no, he needed to dig just a liiiiitle deeper. He said….while that initial strong “attachment” might initially seem appreciated or be taken as a compliment by your partner, it soon usually becomes a heavy load that no one wants. It’s like trying to swim with a cannon ball around your waist. Cutting the chain is the only way to survive. Now, Tazlina and AMM, don’t assume I’m laying this all on you like you fit this profile. I don’t know you, so it’s not appropriate for me to make any judgments so harsh as that. Like I said, take it if it works for you. Leave it if it doesn’t. Now, I’ll tell you, though I really dislike generalizations, FF, whether men or women, are usually free spirits who shun being tethered to the corral fence. They need to run and romp and explore and usually come home smelling like goats. But, we love them for the people they are.
Honestly, AMM, if my husband had suggested I make a really nice meal for him and his buddy on our first night together, I’d have suggested he count to ten and rethink his request. Then I would have made a reservation at a nice restaurant for the three of us, as well as a reservation at the local hotel for his buddy. That way, you’ve been considerate and drawn a firm boundary. Nothing wrong with that. But, hindsight is 20-20, I guess.
Last, separating is not easy. Sometimes pushing away with the help of anger, is easier than walking away with composure. It’s a trap many of us have experienced. It’s hard to see coming. Just something to watch out for. By “separating” I don’t even mean for good…just separating in general.
Hope some of this helps. (Remember, the only reason I know this stuff is because I’ve fallen on my own face before. Ever tripped in a prom dress? When you’re used to wearing basketball shoes, high heels are a whole new gig.)