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  • 07/26/2002
  • WildlandFire.com Team
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Dear Dawn
Let me start by saying that you have every right to worry. About your husband and especially your daughters. I can’t imagine what it must be like for you to raise them alone. That is after all, what you are doing when he is away during fire season. Particularly if you only hear from your fire fighter once every few weeks by phone as some of us do.
I too have a loved one out in the woods somewhere fighting fire, however we are not married, nor do we have any children.
After reading the posts on this site for some time, and noticing how the other side isn’t fairly represented, I will gladly play Devil’s Advocate…
Dawn, do not feel guilty or let others make you feel guilty for the concern and frustration you do or may eventually feel. I know that its hard…and there are those that will tell you that you are being selfish for needing more from your husband…i.e. communication, and his presence in your home, family and life. You have every right to want these things for your family.
Yes, he has chosen a noble profession, and I’m sure that he is a wonderful, courageous man. However, its also okay for you to not match his enthusiasm. After all, you did not choose this line of work, he did.
I am curious as to how you both came to the decision that this career was the right move for both of you. Especially with the young children that you have.
There are many who say that a young girl’s relationship with her father directly influences her feelings of self-worth, as well as her relationships with all men in the future. I absolutely believe this to be true. A child growing up without the presence of her father as a constant, may have more obstacles emotionally to deal with.
As for yourself, you will probably be able to come to some conclusion by the end of fire season on how well you are able to handle the responsibility of your arrangement. If you find that the distance is too painful, I suggest that you and your husband sit down at the end of this, his first fire season, and discuss other options. You two will both have to decide where your priorities lay, as partners and parents.
We take on a HUGE responsibility when we choose to bring a child into this world. We are responsible for giving our babies everything in our power, and depriving them of nothing that they need. The lack of presence of both parents in their day-to-day lives sometimes can not be helped, due to divorce, death etc. But, when you are in a position to choose…
Well, I think you get my point.
Stay strong, use this site as a helpful resource for much needed information, and make sure that your babies know how much they are loved. For their sake, don’t allow yourself to become a martyr of sorts, because its an easy pattern to slip into, and it won’t do any of you any good.
Keep your chin up, you are not alone.
A Voice from the Other Side

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