To FamilySaid – Response to “ES”
I would offer the following comments and suggestions:
Being the “other half” today in and of itself is difficult and more so if the “other half” is involved in a career that involves risk to life and limb.
I would suggest that you will only make yourself physically “sick” and emotionally “unhappy” from the accumulating stress involved in “worrying about” and trying to “keep tabs” on your boyfriend’s “status” because you are at arms length and CAN’T do anything because you are not THERE.
Often this practice comes out of a misunderstood sense of “Duty” or “Concern.”
But doing so is counterproductive to BOTH you and your boyfriend in that if you are in a concerned state about him, then he is in a concerned state about you, which causes both of you to not put 100% of your time and ATTENTION into to tasks each of you have.
Simply “presume” that your boyfriend is competent and will EFFECTIVELY do what needs to be done during the day and will arrive home at the customary time in one piece.
And while he is performing his daily tasks, spend YOUR day performing your customary tasks to the best of your ability.
Indeed, it is part of the protocol that he spend time doing and learning things that make him far more effective and safe.
I would suggest you adopt a similar protocol and instead of spending time on the computer to assure yourself that he is “ok”, spend that time increasing and improving your “duties” that may include, say, planning and cooking a special meal for him to come home to, or if ya’all have kids, look into learning and KNOWING about the subject of “nutrition” that will benefit all involved.
Or perhaps take on the task of researching a place to take a short or long holiday,
I.e., ANYTHING, but ONLY if YOU have an interest or curiosity about it. . .
But not anything just to “protect” him – that’s HIS job. . .
Just as it is YOUR job to “protect” yourself. . .
In short, you BOTH have a life: He is doing what makes him happy and feel useful, and you are doing what makes you happy and feel useful.
Thus, BOTH of you are MORE happy and useful than if you were living SEPARATE lives. . .
This way neither of you will spend EVERY day worrying about each other, but rather, look forward when you see each other to discuss what you learned today, or whatever.
This is called “Having a Life”, both separately AND together. . .
And finally, your boyfriend is lucky to have met you because you “give a dam*,” when a lot of guys’ “other half” could give a dam*.
Apparently, he feels and acts towards you the same way.
Best Wishes To Both Of You, and
A Long And Happy Life